This Morning is Hard

     Everyone keeps saying, oh you don't need a father for your child, you have so many friends and family that love and support you. No, you know what I need? My Rob back. That guy I fell in love with. The guy who I could call at any time and he would make me feel so much better about everything. The one who promised to tell me I was beautiful during my pregnancy, because no one else realizes I need to hear it. The one I wanted to go to all of my appointments with and to kiss my belly and talk to our baby. The same Rob who loved me more than anything else. You know, not just the father of my baby, but the love of my life. It just hurts so much this morning and I wish I could talk to him. 

      Everyone thinks I can just let him go, but my heart has been too full of love for him while we were dating. My days were absolutely filled with the thought of him. I can't just turn it off even if it would make everything easier. What's it getting me? Just nights of no sleep. Mornings where I wake up alone and miss his arms around me. Heart ache that is crippling. And when no one else seems to understand, it just sends me deeper into a depression. He understood everything. Then he crushed my heart into pieces. I don't even know where my heart is anymore. I feel like I'm just going through the motion of love and that's it.

      My baby is my life vest and I'm holding onto him, hoping he can keep me above the waves that continuously threaten to pull me under.

        There's so much chaos going on in my life. If it wasn't for my baby, I'd give up breathing.