My Shadows Aren't So Close

      Lately, I've been feeling like there's a shadow surrounding me. Every where I go, I just can't seem to put my heart into it. It's of course, because I'm fighting depression. The only time it seems to fade into the background is when my little Adrian is moving around. When he moves, I finally feel my heart fill up like it rarely does anymore. When I'm working, I have to take a moment to myself because I tried to talk, no words would come out. I'm laying on my bed now and he's moving. I can't believe he's real. It's extraordinary.

      Last night I got up and I felt like my side was lopsided. I ran my hand along my side and it was! He was curled against my side, making me feel very nonproportioned. My love, I'm not sure where I would be if you wouldn't have given me a child. Thankfully we had many months together of love because this child is definitely a love child. 

My Son and My Nephew

       I am so very close to my nephew. He's my world, and in my heart, I see him as my son. I'm not sure what it's like for other people who have nieces and nephews.. I only have the one, but he is seriously my sunshine. I've been there for him ever since he was born. My sister in law always got mad because people thought he was my child, since we look alike and he doesn't look anything like his mom and dad. We also act alike. 

        Anyway, I was kind of worried about how he would react to my little Adrian. Would be jealous? Would he be like a big brother? Of course I can't tell yet, because my son is still inside me.. But so far my nephew has been amazing. He always asks how Adrian is after kissing my belly. He talks to him sometimes. He came to my house and saw a pair of baby shoes on my bookcase and said, oh my gosh! Adrian's baby shoes are so small and cute! Then before leaving, he hugged me, kisses my belly.. And thanked me for making a baby. 

        Some days are hard for me to see a bright spot in the future.. But when I'm with my nephew, he brings that brightness back into view.