37 weeks!

     Today marks the day where I am 37 weeks pregnant! That means, my little baby could come any day! I'm so nervous for the day! And it's not even because of the pain. I know, I'm starting to sound like a broken record but I wonder if his father will be there? Sigh. It's so scary to think I'll be doing this alone if not. But I'll finally have my little guy out and I won't have to worry about him being okay in there! I've been doing 'kick counts' a few times a day and he always does the amount within a minute instead of the hour they give you.. But I'm so afraid of losing him. If I lose him, I really won't have any attachment to this world. I've been silently battling depression since Rob left me, and sadly, my son is the only thing that has kept me from ending myself. It's not like I don't have support, because I do. And I have my hunter to live for.. It hurts to think to leave him.. But at the beginning all those feelings were blotted out with pain. I saw no light. Then Adrian started moving inside of me more often, and it kept me sane. My happiness is still a slight echo of what I had before.. But I know if I keep breathing, we'll find happiness someday. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

       So on a happy note, I've put in my notice for work! Told them I wanted my last day to be August 22nd. I just can't work right now. I'm so swollen and my left hand gets so bad that I feel a horrible pain in it when I try to use it for anything. I also lose feeling in both of my hands. Sigh. The stupid people at work are on my last nerve and it's taking everything in me not to just leave now. The only reason I'm working so close to my due date is because I definitely need the money. If I didn't need it, I would've stopped a month ago. 

       I haven't packed my hospital bag yet! I should probably so that soon :X I also haven't gotten a stroller/car seat yet. I'm hoping I get around to that soon so I don't have to send my mom out while I'm in labor. That would be quite a fail.

      My sister in law bought me a diaper bag too! But I haven't filled it yet. It's so hard to do because I still feel like I'm not having a baby. He moves nonstop but here I am like, oh, I'm just going to be pregnant for forever!