Today is my 'due date'!

      It's here! September 3rd, 2014! My due date! Sadly, he's not here yet! Haha. The past two days, my hips have been killing me, I've been having random contractions, harder time sleeping, acne, lots of bowel movements, and everything I eat leaves a metallic taste in my mouth. Does that mean labor is coming soon!? I hope so. I'm hoping it comes and I can find some happiness that I've been lacking. 

39 weeks today

     One more week until my due date. I'm just so worried about my baby in there, especially after the accident, that I'm incredibly anxious to have him out of me. Ive been having Braxton hicks and some pressure in my hips. I'm trying the fresh pineapple induction trick! I'll keep you posted!

Car Accident

     This is going to be a short post, because I would rather not relive the accident anymore than I already have in my head. A lady pulled out in front of me so fast I didn't have time to hit my breaks. I hit her, she spun 4 lanes over, and I then slammed Into a pole. They tried to get me out of the car but I refused until they brought someone who could check on my baby. They kept asking me if he was moving and I was thinking, 'he's probably in shock, why would he be moving?' The ambulance got there, they found his heart beat which was nice and strong, but I still wasn't reassured. I was taken to the ER where they thought my passenger was the pregnant one, which made her super mad, and she got In before me because of that. After my mom yelling at everyone there, they finally released me up to labor and delivery. They monitored him and gave me an ultrasound. He's okay, but I've been worrying like hell the last few days. What If he ends up not being okay? I didn't call his father. I wanted to so bad.. I just couldn't stand the pain it would cause me if he didn't care about me or our baby. I did have my sister In law call his mom though because I needed her support.

      A lot of people came to the hospital. It was nice, but I was so stressed and worried that I wanted to fall apart, alone. I ended up with some bad bruises where my seatbelt dug I to me, on my collarbone and the bottom of my stomach, and my passenger had some bruised ribs. For being in a car that is smashed to bits and absolutely totaled? We're all lucky to be alive.

38 Week Appointment

      My appointment had to be rescheduled from Tuesday to Thursday. I was so disappointmented! I felt deprived. I love hearing my baby's heart beat. So I had it today and went over my list of ailments. My morning sickness is back, my right hand doesn't like to move, especially In the morning, and sometimes when I eat, my tongue has been going numb. I also told him about my awful swelling. Everything is normal except he has no idea why my tongue is going numb. That's reassuring, right?

      So the doctor had me pull up my shirt to check his heart beat. He found it right away but my son had other plans. I started hearing a popping noise on his machine and saw the doctor roll his eyes. My kid was moving around and punching the Doppler :) I laughed so hard! It was so cute and he kept doing it. The doctor also commented on how firm my belly is. It's been firm for more than half of my pregnancy but now it's crazy hard. I think it's because My boy is taking up so much room in there! When I laid down, I felt him pushing up on my belly for more room :)

Breast Feeding

      I want to breastfeed. It's apparently the best way to feed your baby. Your milk has all the vitamins your baby needs and it's free! It's also a huge bonding time for you and your baby.  

     For the last month, my mom has been questioning me doing it. My friend was over the other week, breastfeeding, and my mom was like, see Leanne, it's a full Time job! Being your baby's food. Are you sure you want to do it?

      I was confused as to why she was acting like that until today when she asked me once again if i was sure it was what I wanted to do. I, of course, told her yes. Her reply was, how are we suppose to feed the baby  and let you sleep!? I was like, ahh. Don't worry. After the first week or so, I'll pump. She wants me to pump from the get-go so they can all share in. I understand that but I really want to do the whole breastfeeding thing while I can. 

37 weeks!

     Today marks the day where I am 37 weeks pregnant! That means, my little baby could come any day! I'm so nervous for the day! And it's not even because of the pain. I know, I'm starting to sound like a broken record but I wonder if his father will be there? Sigh. It's so scary to think I'll be doing this alone if not. But I'll finally have my little guy out and I won't have to worry about him being okay in there! I've been doing 'kick counts' a few times a day and he always does the amount within a minute instead of the hour they give you.. But I'm so afraid of losing him. If I lose him, I really won't have any attachment to this world. I've been silently battling depression since Rob left me, and sadly, my son is the only thing that has kept me from ending myself. It's not like I don't have support, because I do. And I have my hunter to live for.. It hurts to think to leave him.. But at the beginning all those feelings were blotted out with pain. I saw no light. Then Adrian started moving inside of me more often, and it kept me sane. My happiness is still a slight echo of what I had before.. But I know if I keep breathing, we'll find happiness someday. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

       So on a happy note, I've put in my notice for work! Told them I wanted my last day to be August 22nd. I just can't work right now. I'm so swollen and my left hand gets so bad that I feel a horrible pain in it when I try to use it for anything. I also lose feeling in both of my hands. Sigh. The stupid people at work are on my last nerve and it's taking everything in me not to just leave now. The only reason I'm working so close to my due date is because I definitely need the money. If I didn't need it, I would've stopped a month ago. 

       I haven't packed my hospital bag yet! I should probably so that soon :X I also haven't gotten a stroller/car seat yet. I'm hoping I get around to that soon so I don't have to send my mom out while I'm in labor. That would be quite a fail.

      My sister in law bought me a diaper bag too! But I haven't filled it yet. It's so hard to do because I still feel like I'm not having a baby. He moves nonstop but here I am like, oh, I'm just going to be pregnant for forever!

Baby Shower!

     I had my baby shower yesterday! It was awesome! The no. Awesome part was learning how much money went into it. Almost a thousand dollars. Holy geez. In my defense, I had absolutely no say in it and left it up to my sister in law! Haha. It was immaculate. Book themed everything! Including food! We had so much food and surprisingly very little leftovers. Almost 40 people showed up and I'm so thankful for them! The one thing I would have changed is being able to teleport all the people who couldn't make it!

      My brother was super disappointed though. Apparently when you throw a huge baby shower, the gifts will usually even out. He was disappointed because I barely got 200 dollars worth of stuff. I told him even though I didn't get much in gifts, I'm happy that so many important people came to celebrate with me. He still feels bad because he feels he could have used the money to buy me everything I needed for the baby since I still have quite a bit I need.

     I was so tired that I slept for 11 hours when I got home!